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  • Writer's pictureNathanael Bueno

Holiday gift guide for those who have everything but satisfaction

There is always something for everyone this holiday season. In the time of giving, you can’t overlook those with such ambiguous taste. This guide is for the picky and hard to please. As you embark on your holiday shopping endeavor, remember that the perfect gift isn’t about what they want, it’s about finding something they have yet to complain about.

1. Gift Cards

The number one solution for the friend who is perpetually picky. A gift card is like saying, “You have such refined taste for things, but I couldn’t be bothered to navigate them.” Show that you care enough to put in effort for a gift without the risk of getting it wrong.

2. Podcast Mic

Nothing builds character like forced labor. Gift them a job that entails introspection with a podcast mic—the modern day equivalent of a diary broadcasted to an audience. Soon, they’d have done enough self-discovery to widen their interests. Also, this is not just a gift, it’s a public service.

3. Their Own Caricature Drawing

If you know they’ll hate your gift, make them hate it with dignity. This is basically a counterfeit royal portraiture that captures their most notable features, and possibly a few they didn’t know they had.

4. Money

The truth is, the gift doesn’t matter because it’s the thought that counts, and clearly, you thought of them being broke that one time. Or all the time. Look at you. You’re not just a gift-giver, you’re an economist.

5. Thneed

The Thneed is a real thing. By real I mean it exists conceptually. Dr. Seuss was a real person, but not an actual hospital doctor. Yet, he was able to prescribe endless doses of imagination and whim, which is what the holidays are about! It’s mainly a sweater, but it could also be a hat, a glove, or a pillow; the list goes on. Watch the joy in their eyes slip away as they pull out the Thneed from the box and try to figure out what you just gave them.

Shopping for gifts is always going to be hard. So, it’s best to find a silly little gift that’ll leave them just as perplexed as you were shopping for them, rather than dissatisfied.

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